By Jena Griffiths | December 8, 2012
|Next Thursday at our usual time we’ll be talking to grief counsellor, Karin Andersson Hagelin to learn how to heal from the loss of a loved one. What to do if you or people you know are grieving or experiencing extreme emotions.
This is a complimentary call. Attend here
Ever since our last call with Richard (on grief and rage and what your hands say about this) I’ve been thinking about what I did heal my own extreme emotions in the past.
To be totally honest, I didn’t heal my grief for a long time but I healed my rage by expressing it.
What I did was stand outside the other woman’s house in the middle of the night during a snowstorm and howl and rant and rage. I threatened to climb her stairs and murder her in her bed but instead I picked up a large plant in ceramic pot and smashed it on her doorstep. I couldn’t see the mess because it was pitch dark but it was a very healing experience. The pot sounded like it had shattered into a zillion pieces just like my heart had and I felt a million times better while driving home.
6 months later I spoke to a therapist about this experience and she said I was very fortunate that I’d been able to express my anger, unlike so many of her clients who suppressed it for years and years.
The funniest story I’ve ever heard related to this specific type of rage (due to feelings of abandonment) was one told by a celebrated SA designer several years ago. Apparently she spotted her husband’s car outside the other woman’s apartment and, in a fit of rage, used her BMW to smash his Porche about 50 times. Until she felt calm and, quite frankly, elated. I know the feeling. But I guess I’m a cheapskate in comparison. 😉
I also think sport or any extreme exercise helps to heal both grief and rage. Especially if you can smash something, like a ball in a squash court or a punching bag.
The need to express one’s grief or rage reminds me of the poem on this topic by William Blake.
So: feel, express, release.
Another really important thing to do to heal is to take full responsibility for whatever happened, even if it’s not your fault. Because what is always your responsibility is your response. Especially your interpretation.
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